I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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