Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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