escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize