She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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