he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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