I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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