I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i've created a new STD.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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