You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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