What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize