what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize