I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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