saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize