If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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