you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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