I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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