:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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