Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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