Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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