you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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