My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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