So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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