i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize