i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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