I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize