Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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