If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize