can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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