I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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