I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Pooping to opera.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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