um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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