3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
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