There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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