I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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