I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize