I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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