I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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