we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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