Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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