I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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