3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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