you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize