U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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