I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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