Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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