I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize