OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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