It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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