I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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