i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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