ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize